I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
