There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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