so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
