I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
