After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
