Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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