Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize