Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You can't special order awesome
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
