im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
