and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
