my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
