We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
