I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
