It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
