Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
