So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
