Little spoons don't ask big questions
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
