I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
