That's intense
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
