Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize