Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
