do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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