Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
