His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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