i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize