Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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