Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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