Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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