My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
