You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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