CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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