Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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