Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize