I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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