Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
