im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
