Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
