I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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