I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
