last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
