I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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