i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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