i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize