From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
