I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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