Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
