you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
