you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
