I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
