Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
