You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
