The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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