Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize