Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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