the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize