just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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