Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
