I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
