he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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