If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
