At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
