i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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