I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
