We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize