Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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