I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have post one night stand depression
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