Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
