she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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