Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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