I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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