I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
