I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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