i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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