This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
