oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
