Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
