Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
