Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
