We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
