But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
