it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
