The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize