wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
