i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
