Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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