Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
