having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she peed on how many people?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
