do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
