i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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