Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
