Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
