turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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