don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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