As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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