I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
