you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize