So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
